"If growing up were easy Fievel, would it take so long?"

So today I was thinking, well actually I have been thinking this for a while. The more I talk about sex, the more it should alarm those around me. When I am talking about sex, it means I am usually trying to not think about other things in my life that are upsetting me. Its my...defense. I don't know exactly why I do it, though I do.

Not that there is anything really going wrong lately, I am just having an identity crisis. When you look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself it opens your eyes. I am however speaking of a figurative mirror. I have looked the same my whole life, for the most part anyway.

Right now, I am not in-like with anyone and that's strange. Not that its not a good thing, but I can't remember the last time I wasn't in-like with anyone. I mean I have friends, and there are people I am attracted to. Though, there is no one with whom I want to have a meaningful relationship. I mean more meaningful than just friendship. I don't want to sound like a trollop, but sometimes casual relations are better than a relationship.

I am working tonight again from five until eleven. I hope I work better than I did last night. Last night I was...very lazy.

I guess my problems right now, my emotional ones anyhow, are that I never got the chance to move out of my parents house and be on my own. I moved out and found out I was pregnant, spent that time preparing for the baby. Moved back in with my parents, then moved out with my son. Not that I want to send him away, or that I don't love him, though I feel guilty sometimes for having fun without him. I know I shouldn't, but he's my responsibility. He is my everything. I love being a mommy, it's my very favorite. Sometimes though... I wish I could have done things differently.

I don't have any regrets, though sometimes I wish I would have taken things more slowly. That's probably why I have such a detached sense of love. I rushed my life and here I am at 22, living like a 30+ year old. This year is all about slowing down and taking things as they come. Sigh, wish me luck.