Braless Wonder

I did more in public today before 10AM without a bra on than I think I have ever done in my life. First my coworker brought her son over, and I had to go pick my son up from my mom's house. Then I took Dan to work, then SM gave her son and Nate some food. So TZ was getting off and I took him home. Now I am home and I feel more than a little white trash.

I threw the kids in the bathtub and they are squirting each other with water guns, so I decided to blog a little. Okay put that plan on hold, they got too crazy in there. My kid and TT are being so mean to each other, then I separate them and they freak out.

Absolutely Fabulous is a pretty funny show, my sister got me to watch it. I am only on the first season. My sister said that I am like Eddy, and she is like Patsy. It's totally true. My sister is against her having children, and I have a child but I still party. Granted my child isn't nearly as smart as Saffie. Though, he's only three and she is sixteen. haha

I have decided to go back on the HCG diet when I get some money. I just need $50 to start off again. The paycheck after this next one will be perfect for it. Then perhaps by my birthday I will be down enough to wear that cute green dress I have owned forever and never been able to fit into right.

Collecting all the Pieces... :)

Things have been looking up lately. I have a boyfriend, I've finally fallen into a routine with my son, shool, work, and Dan. Life is good. Though, I think I need a maid, a sugar daddy, and someone smart to pay to do my homework for me! If only!

I decided to clean my house today, like move my furniture around. That really isn't cleaning. Bear with me, something got spilled on my keyboard and the "C" key requires a little force to get working. My babysitter said she didn't do it, and that Nate wasn't near the computer but Nate told me it was his tea that did it.

I am having such a strange feeling inside me. Like... everything is falling into place. I rarely feel that. It's wonderful. On a different note, Billy Joel makes cleaning the house so much better!

I am going to get back to my housework. I will more than likely update later.

Coffee and Nicotine

I have been fueling my day with coffee and nicotine. It's been a fairly good day so far. Nate has been good, Dan gives the best hugs and I love waking up to them in the morning. I am about to go do laundry, and it's payday!

I have been working on my house today, though none of the things that are important. Just the parts of my house that need organizing. I made up a toy sorting box for Nate's toys out of cardboard and duck tape. I intend on making my house look like they do in the movies...haha yeah right?!

So since Dan has been spending a lot of time over here I have been finding change everywhere, and I have been putting it all in a jar. I decided that I am going to save it up so that one day when he is out of money between paydays I can buy him a pack of cigarettes with his own money. It would just be awesome. So far there is forty-one cents.

I have been having such an amazing time with him lately, I think I am falling so deeply in like with him. I love it. He makes me so happy, and I havne't felt happy in a long time.

Speaking of organizing my house and stuff, I am going to make my room two people friendly. It has been, big person + little person friendly. I decided that it will feel better if it's like that. The only problem is that D likes to sleep next to the wall and I am going to make the bed be in the middle. I just think if he has a bedside table I won't have to have that coffee table next to the bed. It will be nice, I don't know why I am going into such detail about it on here. Though like I said I have been fueling my day with coffee and nicotine.

Long Way Home

Today I walked to work. I walked 2.2 miles there and 2.2 miles back. From my adventure the other night I have a giant blister on my foot and this walk only made it bigger. I fucking hate blisters....more than anything. Anyhow, my legs hurt and I am tired.

So, I get home and Nate was crying. Which alarmed my sister-in-law so he got to stay awake. I know she was worried about him, but man I just wanted to get home take a shower and go to sleep. Though now I can't. I am glad she was concerned about him, but at the same time I am frustrated because I always just let him cry. Like right now, he's in there sobbing, which breaks my heart but I know he is doing it for a reason...to get out of going to bed.

D is supposed to come over, I hope he doesn't mind me being totally boring. I am so sore I might just curl up and watch a movie. He said he would leave a half hour after I left BK and it would take him a half hour to get here but if that's what he did, he should have been here 20 minutes ago. Sigh... I am so sore I can't stop complaining. So I am just going to get off of here and take a bath and hope that Nate stops coming out of his room.

Shrooms and Irish Nachos

I ate Irish Nachos for dinner. It was delicious. So last night I did shrooms. It was awesome!!! I can't wait to do them again. I am quite excited about it.

D and I had such a good time. I think I am falling even more deeply every day. I think I may have convinced him to be in a three way relationship with DK. Now, I just have to convince DK to join us. It would be totally awesome. Make me totally the happiest girl in the world.

On another note, I am very happy today. Aside from the horrible head ache, and Nate being bad. He started being good, and I have been drinking a lot of water making myself feel better. So my head ache is gone, well almost.

I need to get back on my diet. I feel like crap with all this bad food I've been eating lately. I need to eat more vegetables and less processed food, much less fried food. I need to clean my house really badly. D has been over and I would much rather hang out with him than clean.

I have been working on writing this entry since about four-thirty and it is now eight-thirteen, I think I am going to put a cap on it and go to bed. I am so tired!!!

L'amour

Never have I felt more adored, or more wonderful than I have felt since I started spending time with D. He makes me so happy. I like to see him smile because of something I said. For some reason, he has the perfect thing to say to make me happy when I have become upset for whatever reason. Like yesterday I had been awake for 37 hours, worked two eight hour shifts in the span of time, and went to go pick him up from work. When I saw him, it was like the awful post graduation crazy busy day mood had left and all there was left was him.

It's nice when you meet someone who doesn't mind your child, granted he gets annoyed of him, like any twenty-two year old, childless male would at a three year old. Though, we spend a lot of time together and it makes me happy.

I haven't been really really happy in a long time. I know this year was supposed to be about me and not about boys, but perhaps that was how I was supposed to spend it so I could meet with him. I need to get back to washing my dishes, but I will update later.

Sleep Deprived....

It is so very windy here these last few days. I have to say I love it. It is really annoying when I don't expect it and do my hair nicely. Though that's alright, today I didn't make that mistake.

Work was alright for the most part but this guy, ST he doesn't joke very well. Like he makes jokes, but he smiles the same as when he is talking. Anyhow, he made a joke that sort of made me sad. Though now that I know he is joking, it's all good. For a good hour of my shift I was sad about it.

Anyway, N was being very nice today. It's probably because when he came in he snapped at me and it made me very sad. S said that he was probably not mad at me, and DP said that we should try our hardest to make him more upset. That made me a little angry, we shouldn't intentionally try to make someone upset.

So now I am sitting here with D drinking some Jack and Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi. It has been such a strange day, though at the end of it I am in a good mood. I have to work at seven in the morning however and it is almost one. So I think I will be getting off of the computer.

Fast Food Confessional 1

So today, first a lady came through the drive thru, yelled at me for asking her if she wanted her sandwich in a combo. Okay I could get in trouble for not asking. Then she drove off. Im like okay...moving on. Finally the customers were getting to me so bad I took the headset off and worked on front counter. First order a guy told me that the whopper jr. is only one dollar and was yesterday. Well sorry sir, the whopper jr.hasn't been one dollar since 2008. Then he freaked out when he wrote a check and I needed to see his id. Man!

Okay rant over. But these people need to get a clue. It should be a law that people work fast food for an entire year before they can get a different job. Like should be a grade 13 or something. The world would have a much better respectful customer base after about 10 years.

Feelings...

I love April, September, October. I love sunshine, but I love rain more. I love the way thunder rumbles and you feel it deep in yourself. I love the way life never gets any easier and you either learn from what you were given, or you don't...I choose to learn. I love music, dancing, and having a good time. I miss the friends I used to have, though I love the new ones I've made since then. I love the time I spend talking with them about things that are imortant to me, knowing they are actually intersted. I love listening to them talk about the things that are important to them, because it's a part of them and I love them for who they are. I miss all the ones I have loved that have died. I love the lessons I have learned in my short time on this earth, and look forward to the ones I am to learn. I love a new pack of cigarettes. No matter what anyone says, nothing beats a nice cold Jack and Coke. I love a warm cup of hot chocolate at Yuletide, when it's cold and the world is covered in a beautiful blanket of snow. I love that some days I am perfectly happy to lay in bed and play the monster game with my little boy. I love the way the sunrise is so angry, and the sunset is so peaceful and calm. The way the rain sounds on the tin roof of a trailer. I ache for not knowing my grandfather whenever I smell cigarettes mixed with house paint. I ache for all the hungry children in the world, all the children with unfit parents...all the abused people in the world. I smile everytime I see a rainbow, always wanting to chase after the pot of gold. The sound of bagpipes resonate through my heart and always stop me in my tracks. I love how when I wake up five minutes before my alarm, although it's hopeless, I always try to fall back asleep. I love the sound of my son's laughter, the sound of his misformed words. I love his hugs, and his kisses. Most of all I love being a mommy. I love my life, and it's not an easy one, but it's good. I am truely blessed by my goddess and couldn't think of life being any other way for me.

Long Time!!!

It has been a long time since I posted. I haven't been up to much, just partying, finding myself....falling deeply in like with a guy. Sigh...

I know he likes me back, so I don't know why it is so difficult for me to make the first move. Though, it's harder somehow knowing that it is not just based on sex. I actually like him. I don't really know what to do.

I need to do something productive, but I can't sleep and I can't stop obsessing over this whole romantic entanglement that I haven't really gotten myself into but really want to. I think I might go on a drive, take some photos, I dunno...do something. Perhaps drink a little, though... that would be drinking alone and that is never good.